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Thread: One-Liners - Short Jokes

  1. #101
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    On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"
    To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

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    Diet Day #1- I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.

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    A little boy says, ‘Dad, I’ve heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her.’ ‘Son,’ says the dad.
    ‘That happens everywhere.’

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    Paddy and Murphy are walking in the jungle by a river, and see a man's head sticking out of a crocodile.

    Paddy says to Murphy: "Look at that flash bloke in his Lacoste sleeping bag."

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    An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

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    Customer: Waiter, is this supposed to be coffee or tea?

    Waiter: What does it taste like?

    Customer: It tastes like gasoline!

    Waiter: Well, sir, that would be the coffee. The tea tastes like turpentine.

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    Women are unpredictable:

    Before marriage, she expects a man.

    After marriage she suspects him.

    And after death she respects him.

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    Teacher: Sir, why doctors wear a mask when they do an operation?

    Student: For safety. If the patient dies, others can't find out who did the operation.

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    Have you heard of the garlic diet?

    You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner.

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    A Texan went to California. As he walked around a garden, he picked up a watermelon.

    "Are these the biggest cucumbers you raise?" asked the Texan.

    "Put down that raisin," snapped the Californian.

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