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Thread: One-Liners - Short Jokes

  1. #111
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    Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?

    Reviews say that the food is very good but there is no atmosphere!

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    A very popular girl went to her doctor and found out that she was pregnant. The doctor says, "I know that you are not married! Do you know who the father of this baby is?"

    The girl thought and then asked, "Doc, if you ate a can of Baked Beans, would you know which bean made you fart?"

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    Everyone on a passenger ship could see a bearded man on a small island, shouting and desperately waving his hands.
    "Who is that man?" a passenger asked the ship's captain. "Why is he so upset?"
    "I have no idea," the Captain replied, "but, every year when we pass by here, he goes crazy."

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    An old couple were talking. The wife asked her husband, "How many women have you slept with?"
    "Only you, Darling,” the man replied proudly. “With all the others I was awake."

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    The sergeant-major growled at the young soldier: "I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning."

    The soldier replied: "Thank you very much, sir."

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    What do a hurricane, a tornado, a fire and a divorce have in common?

    They are four ways you can lose your house!

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    Children:

    You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk.

    Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and be quiet.

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    After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."

    And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

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    Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful", which tense is it?

    Student: Obviously it is the past tense.

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    A plumber was trying to placate a woman in her flooded kitchen.

    "Listen, ma'am", he said, "crying only makes it worse."

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