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Thread: One-Liners - Short Jokes

  1. #121
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    While making love, he says, "Darling, let's do 68!"

    "68? What's that?"

    "You do it to me and I'll owe you one."

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    Fact of Life: After Monday & Tuesday Even the Calendar says W T F

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    Me: What's the wifi password?
    Bartender: You need to buy a drink first.
    Me: Okay, I'll have a coke.
    Bartender: Is Pepsi okay?
    Me: Sure. How much is that?
    Bartender: $3.
    Me: There you go. So what's the wifi password?
    Bartender: "You need to buy a drink first". No spaces, all lowercase.

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    This guy says to his buddy, "You'll never believe what happened last night."

    His buddy says, "Well then, tell me what happened."

    The guy says, "Last night the doorbell rang, and when I opened the door, there was my ex-mother-in-law on the front porch."

    She said, "Can I stay here for a few days?"

    I said, "Of course, you can," and shut the door.

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    "I finally got my boss to laugh," said one friend to another after work.

    "Oh, how?"

    "I asked for a raise!"

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    Did you ever see the customers in a health-food store? They are pale, skinny people who look half dead.

    In a steak house you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying of course, but they look terrific.

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    A boxer went to a doctor for treatment of insomnia.
    "Have you tried counting sheep?" suggested the doctor.
    "It doesn't work," replied the boxer. "Whenever I get to nine, I stand up!"

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    “They come from a long line of bakers. They're inbred.”

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    Q. How do you catch a polar bear?

    A. You cut a hole in the ice and you put peas all round the edge and when the polar bear comes along and stops for a pea, you kick it in the ice hole.

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