What the job ads really say
Ground floor opportunity - Lousy job with a company that will file bankruptcy within a year.
Progressive company - Employees get to wear jeans every other Friday.
Team player - Must deal with dangerously territorial coworkers with rabid personalities.
Upbeat personalities - Must neither threaten us with any kind of lawsuit nor use the drug alcohol rehab benefit within the first year.
Word processing skills essential - There is a crippling case of carpal tunnel syndrome in your future.
Public Relations Receptionist, Professional appearance important - $20 K a year job that requires a $100K year wardrobe.
Salary range $24K to $32K - The salary is $24K.
Will train - Prior conviction of a felony or two, no problem.
BA required, MA preferred - Must be a MA willing to work for a BA salary.
Civil service - This job was filled from the inside six months ago.
Outstanding benefits package - Health insurance.
Tons of variety - We took all of the heinous tasks no one else would do and rolled them into one job.
Top notch communication skills - Telemarketing.
Beautiful offices in attractive locale - Brand new tacky windowless office where picture frames match the carpet.
Secretary - Woman only job with the responsibilities of management and the wages of a migrant worker.
Executive secretary - The most powerful position in any company.
Dedicated - You're looking at a minimum of 80 hours a week until we force you into early retirement.
Salary commensurate - We'll pay you whatever the we feel like.
Salary negotiable - We'll take the lowest bidder.
Competitive salary - We'll pay you up to 10 percent more than your last job!
Competitive starting salary - Ten cents above minimum wage.
Pleasant atmosphere - A staff of pod people.
Professional atmosphere - Zombie pod people.
Self-starter - Open to very broad interpretation, since no one really knows what this means.
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