Thoughts To Ponder

[SadMan]

1. Why is it OK for dudes to slap other dudes' asses in football, but not in any other situation?

2. Why put a towel in the dirty clothes basket if when you get out of the shower you are clean?

3. What happens to an irrisitable force when it hits an immovable object?

4. Do people in prison celebrate Halloween? If so, how?

5. Do the security guards at airports have to go through airport security when they get to work?

6. Why are all of the Harry Potter spells in Latin if they're English?

7. Why do people say "heads up" when you should duck?

8. Why do superheros wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes?

9. If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?

10. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

[SadMan]

1. Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?

2. If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?

3. Why is it called a funny bone, when if you hit it, it's not funny at all?

4. Do you yawn in your sleep?

5. If someone has their nose pierced, have a cold, and take thier nose ring out. Does snot come out of the piercing hole?

6. How come lemon washing up liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains artificial flavorings.

7. Do you wake up or open your eyes first?

8. Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?

9. How do you handcuff a one-armed man?

10. If there's a speed of sound and a speed of light is there a speed of smell?

[SadMan]

1. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

2. Why do you have to "put your two cents in", but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

3. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

4. What disease did cured ham actually have?

5. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

6. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

7. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

8. Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

9. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

10. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

[nav0413]

This is why I love visiting this forum! Thanks man. :cool:

[SadMan]

Thoughts To Ponder

1. Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

2. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

3. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

4. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

5. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

6. If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

7. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

8. Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

9. Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

10. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

11. I thought about how my mother fed me with a tiny spoon and fork, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

12. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

13. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of it's nose?

14. If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

15. Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

16. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

17. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

18. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

[SadMan]

1. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

2. Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts?

3. Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.

4. Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?

5.Can a short person "talk down" to a taller person?

6. If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?

7. Do prison buses have emergency exits?

8. Do astronauts change their clocks when they move over different time zones in space?

9. When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?

10. If a guy that was about to die in the electric chair had a heart attack should they save him?

11. Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

12. If a nursing mother had her nipples pierced would the milk come out of all three holes?

13. If a stripper gets breast implants can she write it off on her taxes as a business expense?

14. Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull a baby to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle on the ground?

15. If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween?

16. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

17. Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

18. Can cannibals be arrested for being under the influence of alcohol (e.g. drunk-driving) if they have eaten someone who was drunk?

19. What is the stage of a reptile when it has eggs in it but they haven't been laid. Are they pregnant?

20. If Mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

[SadMan]

Why do British people never sound British when they sing?
Why do we say "bye bye" but not "hi hi"?
Why do we feel blue? And what colour does a smurf feel when they are down?
What does OK actually mean?
If you have x-ray vision, and you can see through anything, wouldn't you see through everything and actually see nothing?
Why are things typed up but written down?
If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
If you were on a plane going the speed of sound and walked from the back of the plane to the front, would you be walking faster than the speed of sound?
Why does "closing up" a shop and "closing down" a shop mean the same thing?
In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?
Why do they call them "Animal Crackers" when there not even crackers...they're biscuits?
If it is a 50 mph per hour wind and you drive your car at 50 mph downwind, if you stick your head outside would you feel the wind?

[SadMan]

1. Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?

2. Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don't taste or smell anything like it.

3. If its 11:30 PM Dec 31 in Texas and 12:30 AM Jan 1st in New York and you have a New York driver's license that expires Jan 2007, does that mean your license has expired?

4. When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?

5. Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?

6. If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?

7. Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as your following the direction of the traffic?

8. Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

9. If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?

10. Why aren't drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home?

11. Why do people say beans beans the magical fruit when beans are vegetables?

12. If laughter is the best medicine, who's the idiot who said they 'died laughing'?

[SadMan]

Why do British people never sound British when they sing?

Why do we say "bye bye" but not "hi hi"?

Why do we feel blue? And what colour does a smurf feel when they are down?

What does OK actually mean?

If you have x-ray vision, and you can see through anything, wouldn't you see through everything and actually see nothing?

Why are things typed up but written down?

If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

If you were on a plane going the speed of sound and walked from the back of the plane to the front, would you be walking faster than the speed of sound?

Why does "closing up" a shop and "closing down" a shop mean the same thing?

In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?

Why do they call them "Animal Crackers" when there not even crackers...they're biscuits?

If it is a 50 mph per hour wind and you drive your car at 50 mph downwind, if you stick your head outside would you feel the wind?

[SadMan]

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

If procrastinators had a club would they ever have a meeting?

Just one letter makes all the difference between here and there?

If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same?

If you crossed a chicken with a zebra would you get a four-legged chicken with its own barcode?

If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit?

Is it possible to have deja vu and amnesia at the same time?

[SadMan]

They make bullet proof vests, why not bullet proof pants?

Is there any difference between partly cloudy and partly sunny?

How does one know when their bagpipes need tuning?

Allstate Insurance has a disclaimer that reads: not available in all states. What?

Is it really possible to change the direction of a bowling ball by waving your hands?

There's senior citizens, so why aren't there junior citizens?

They say laughter is the best medicine - so who came up with the phrase, "I died laughing"?

[SadMan]

1. Why do they call him Donkey Kong if he is not a donkey?

2. Why do they say a football team is the 'world champion' when they don't play anybody outside the US?

3. If you put a chameleon in a room full of mirrors, what color would it turn?

4. What are the handles for corn on the cob called?

5. Why do British people never sound British when they sing?

6. Why do we press the start button to turn off the computer?

7. Were Mary and Joseph's surname Christ before Jesus was born?

8. If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?

9. Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

10. In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?

11. If K.F.C Stands for Kentucky Fried Chicken, Why do they play sweet home Alabama on the comercials?

12. What type of animal is Snuffaluffagus?

13. Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?

14. Does a 'Marks-A-Lot' marker, mark any more than a regular marker?

15. If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?

16. How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

17. Do movie producers still say lights, camera, and action when it is a dark scene?

18. What do you call male ballerinas?

[SadMan]

1. When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

2. Why people are so scared of mice,which are much smaller than us, when no one seems to be scared of Micky Mouse, who is bigger than us?

3. Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?

4. Why are plastic bears the only animal you can get honey from? Why can't you get honey from a plastic bee?

5. How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt?

6. Do butterflies remember life as a caterpillar?

7. Does the postman deliver his own mail?

8. Why are women and men's shoe sizes different?

9. Where do people in Hell tell other people to go?

10. Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are?

11. If prunes are dehydrated plums, where does prune juice come from?

12. Is it appropriate to say "good mourning" at a funeral?

13. Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?

14. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

15. Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

[SadMan]

Why do "cool" and "hot" mean the same thing?
Why do people squint when they can't see? Wouldn't that just make it less space to see out of?
Why do we have to pay a toll on "freeways"?
Why do we call them pepperoni if there is no pepper in it?
How old does something have to be to become an antique?
Why do they say "an alarm going off" if it's really going on?
How come French fries are not considered a vegetable, they are just deep fried potatoes?
Why is Joey short for Joe, when Joey has more letters?
How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown?
Have ex-bankers become disinterested?
Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

[SadMan]

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

13. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

27. Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

[SadMan]

1. When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

2. Why people are so scared of mice,which are much smaller than us, when no one seems to be scared of Micky Mouse, who is bigger than us?

3. How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt?

4. Do butterflies remember life as a caterpillar?

5. Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are?

6. If prunes are dehydrated plums, where does prune juice come from?

7. If there's an exception to every rule, is there an exception to that rule?

8. Doesn't a lightning rod on top of church show a lack of faith?

9. Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

[SadMan]

Points to Ponder

1. Can you cry under water?

2. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

3. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

4. Why! is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

5. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

6. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

7. How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

8. If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

9. Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

[SadMan]

If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?

Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don't taste or smell anything like it.

When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?

Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?

Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as your following the direction of the traffic?

Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

Why aren't drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home?

Why do people say beans beans the magical fruit when beans are vegetables?

[SadMan]

Don't you find it worrying that doctors call treating you their "practice"?

Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?

What is a male ladybird called?

If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?

Can a guy named Nick have a nickname?

How did the headless horseman know where he was going?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

If someone can't see, they're blind and if someone can't hear, they're deaf, so what do you call people who can't smell?

Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?

Why do they call it "head over heels in love" if our head is always over our heels?

[SadMan]

1. If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

2. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

3. If you shouldn't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?

4. If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the driver end up owing you money?

5. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

6. If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, could you plan a surprise birthday party for them?

7. If you have an open mind why don't your brains fall out?

8. If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?

9. If you play a blank tape at full volume and have a mime for a neighbor, will he complain?

10. If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when you're done?

11. If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?

12. If you take a shower, where do you put it?

13. If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?

14. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

15. If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read correctly?

16. If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?

17. Is it possible to be totally partial?

18. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

19. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

20. Can you grow birds by planting birdseed?

21. Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?

22. Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

23. If its zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

24. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?

25. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

[SadMan]

1. Why do they call him Donkey Kong if he is not a donkey?

2. Why do they say a football team is the 'world champion' when they don't play anybody outside the US?

3. If you put a chameleon in a room full of mirrors, what color would it turn?

4. What are the handles for corn on the cob called?

5. Were Mary and Joseph's surname Christ before Jesus was born?

6. Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?

7. If K.F.C Stands for Kentucky Fried Chicken, Why do they play sweet home Alabama on the comercials?

8. Does a 'Marks-A-Lot' marker, mark any more than a regular marker?

9. Do movie producers still say lights, camera, and action when it is a dark scene?

10. What do you call male ballerinas?

[SadMan]

Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’..
but it’s only a ‘penny for your thoughts’?
Where’s that extra penny going?
Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes
you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it
would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’
when babies wake up like every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money
in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They’re going to see you naked anyway.
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a
stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They’re both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap,
why didn’t he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come
from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have
the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere,
but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face,
he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride,
he sticks his head out the window?

[SadMan]

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why does 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing?

7. Why does 'fat chance' and 'slim chance' mean the same thing?

8. Why do 'tug' boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game' when we are already there?

10. Why are they called 'stands' when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?

12. Doesn't 'expecting the unexpected' make the unexpected expected?

13. Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wise guy' opposites?

14. Why do 'overlook' and 'oversee' mean opposite things?

15. Why is phonics not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?