Qs and As

Q: What's the best form of birth control after 50?
A: Nudity.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45lbs.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: What's the fastest way to a mans heart?
A: Through the chest with a sharp knife.

Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.

Q: Why is it hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.

Q: What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A: After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever.

Q: Why does the bride wear white?
A: Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

Q: How do you know when you are really ugly?
A: Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.

Q: How do you know when you're leading a pathetic life?
A: When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Lets just be friends,"

Q: Why did god create alcohol?
A: So ugly people could have sex,too.

Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's mine?"

Q: What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
A: Beer nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.

Q: What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A: A speech impediment.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breast don't have eyes.

Q: What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A: A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time" a southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this crap."