Two men are hiking through the woods when one of them cries out, “Snake! Run!”
His companion laughs at him. “Oh, relax. It’s only a baby,” he says. “Don’t you hear the rattle?”
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Two men are hiking through the woods when one of them cries out, “Snake! Run!”
His companion laughs at him. “Oh, relax. It’s only a baby,” he says. “Don’t you hear the rattle?”
As the judge sentenced me to death, I tried to offer him a high five.
But he left me hanging.
A manager announces to his staff, “I’ve lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if you find it, I’m offering a 100 dollars finder’s fee!”
A voice in the background says, “I’m offering 200!”
A woman calls her mother.
"My husband and I have been fighting so much lately. I am going to come live with you again."
Her mother replies, "No dear, he should pay for his mistakes. I am coming to live with you."
The famous sex therapist was on the radio taking questions when a caller asked, "Doctor, I want to know why men always want to marry a virgin?"
To which the doctor handily responded, "To avoid criticism."
A man walked into a hardware store and picked up a can of fly spray.
"Is this good for wasps?" he asks the assistant.
To which she replies "No, it kills them."
Writing a horror screenplay. It starts off with a ringing phone.
The person answers and it’s their mom saying, “I have a computer question...“
So many items are no longer made in America...
I just bought a new tv and the box said “built in antenna”...
I don’t even know where that is!
A cement mixer and a prison bus crashed on the highway...
Police advise citizens to be on the lookout for a group of hardened criminals!
Q: What do you call the space between Kim Kardashian's breasts and butt cheeks?
A: Silicon Valley.