What do you call male ballerinas?
what is the answer man? :cool::lol:
Printable View
What do you call male ballerinas?
what is the answer man? :cool::lol:
Q: How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
A: Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
If a philosopher answers your question, you will no longer understand what you asked in the first place.
What does a blonde ask her blonde friend who just did a pregnancy test? Were the questions hard? Did you pass?
What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.
How is a poor man a lot like a rich man? They both have an iPhone.
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come.
How does a doctor feel when he loses a patient in the emergency room? The same way a child feels when he drops his ice cream.
What is the difference between having a cold beer and going to the bathroom? About 35 minutes.
I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning.
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.
I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.
A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up.
Mary Jane was walking on the beach one day and saw a shark swimming around a man.
The man was screaming, "Help me! Help me!"
Mary Jane laughed and laughed... She knew that the shark was never going to help that man!
Dermatologist: Good News my dear, after looking through your test results I'm happy to report you will no longer be plagued by pimples.
Girl: Wow! That's great! Why?
Dermatologist: There's no more space.
Children in the backseat can cause accidents.
Accidents in the backseat can cause children.
Success is...
At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is having friends.
At age 16 success is having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is having sex.
At age 35 success is having money.
At age 50 success is having money.
At age 60 success is having sex.
At age 70 success is having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is having friends.
At age 80 success is not peeing in your pants.
A married couple was having a conversation. The husband asked his wife: "If i ever win the lottery what would you do?"
The wife's respond was: "I would take half and leave you!"
The husband said: "Well, your in luck - I won the lottery! So, here's $6 and get outta here!"
"Last Sunday I found a wallet packed with money down by the church."
"Did you give it back?"
"Not yet. I'm still trying to decide if it's a temptation from the devil or the answer to a prayer."
A grandfather asks his grandson: "How old are you?"
The grandson replies: "Five".
Grandfather says: "When I was your age I was six!"
So this kid has been using lots of his dad's money and the dad says, "Do you think money grows on trees?"
"Yeah," says the kid.
"Well, it doesn't," says the dad.
"So what is money made out of, Dad?"
"Paper," the dad says.
"And what is paper made out of?"
"Shut up."
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
An Irishman finds a sandwich in a gutter with 2 red wires sticking out of it.
He calls the cops and says "Help me!!! I've found a sandwich which looks like a bomb."
Cop says, "Is it ticken?"
Irishman says, "No, I tink its beef."
Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?
Dentist: Wear a brown tie...
An older man, not in the best physical condition, asked the trainer in the gym, "I want to impress a beautiful young girl. Which machine should I use?" The trainer replied, "Use the ATM machine outside!"
Cowboy: Give me three packets of condoms, please.
CASHIER: Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?
Cowboy: Nah. She ain't THAT ugly.
A blonde had some goldfish and she did not know how to feed them. So she called her brunette friend, and she showed her how.
Once they were done feeding them, the blonde said, "Now, what do I give them to drink?"
A murderer was secured to the electric chair, about to be executed.
The chaplain approached him and asked, "Do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," replied the murderer. "Would you hold my hand?"
Q: What is the difference between a English actuary and a Sicilian actuary?
A: An English actuary can tell you how many people are going to die next year. A Sicilian actuary can give you their names...
Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
When I thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year, I gave up thinking.
You know it's time for a New Year's resolution to lose weight when you step on a talking scale and it says, "One at a time, please!"
A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
My New Year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
New Year's Eve is the only acceptable time to wear body glitter without being mistaken for a stripper.
My New Year's resolution is 1080p.
I'm getting drunk just thinking about tomorrow night.
My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.
If 2013 was a person, I'd sue him for pain and suffering and lost wages.
This New Year's I resolve to be less awesome since that is really the only thing I do in excess.
People treat New Year's like some sort of life-changing event. If your life sucked last year, it's probably still going to suck tomorrow.
Dear Luck, can we be friends in 2014 please?
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year resolutions.
I want to get so drunk that if vampires bit my neck they'd get a Bloody Mary.
I wanna kiss you on December 31st from 11:59 pm to 12:01 am, so I can have an amazing ending to 2013 and a beautiful beginning into 2014.
Many things can be preserved in alcohol this New Year's Eve. DIGNITY is not one of them.
Every year I make a resolution to change myself... this year making a resolution to be myself!
I'm planning on finding new and interesting things to hate about my job in 2014.
Just heard that in 2014 there will be a new device that can turn thoughts into speech. I have had that for years, it's called alcohol.
My New Year's Resolution is to break my New Year's Resolutions...That way I succeed at something!
Anyone who says that alcohol is a depressant isn't drinking enough of it.
New Year's is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don't want you reusing last year's calendar.
I'm actually feeling pretty okay about not accomplishing anything this year.
My 2014 resolution is for everyone else to gain the 50 pounds I refuse to lose.
Tonight the Mayor is dropping the ball in New York while Congress is dropping the ball in Washington.
There have been many times in 2013, when I have annoyed you, disturbed you, irritated you, and bugged the hell out of you....today I just wanna tell you I plan to continue in 2014!
A man and his wife went to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took the man's order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
The waiter said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
“I’m beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Listen to this from his bill: ‘For waking up at night and thinking about your case: $250'.”
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, “When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking.
Now after ten years it’s all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking.”
Paddy and Murphy are walking in the jungle by a river, and see a man's head sticking out of a crocodile.
Paddy says to Murphy: "Look at that flash bloke in his Lacoste sleeping bag."
Man to wife: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I’ve been giving you?
Wife: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
Wife: This article on overpopulation of the world says that somewhere in the world there is a woman having a baby every four seconds.
Husband: I think they ought to find that woman and stop her!
A boxer goes to a doctor complaining of insomnia.
"Have you tried counting sheep?" asks the doctor.
"It doesn't work," replies the boxer. "Every time I get to nine I stand up."
After a long night, the blonde asks her friend: "Say, do you have AIDS?"
"No!" the guy answers firmly, "Of course not!"
"Oh, that's good," replies the blonde, "I don't wanna catch it again."
What are the three words you don't want to hear while making love? "Honey, I'm home!"
A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, “If you don’t promise to send us $100,000, we promise you we will kidnap your wife.”
The poor man wrote back, ” I am afraid I can’t keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours.”
Two guys are out drinking when one of them falls off his barstool and lies motionless on the floor.
"One thing about Fred," his buddy says to the bartender. "He knows when to stop."
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there’s no use in two people remembering the same thing.
Bill: It was really bad in divorce court today with me and my wife.
Doug: How's that?
Bill: Well she cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook!
Pessimist...sees a dark tunnel.
Optimist...sees a light at the end of the tunnel.
Realist...sees a freight train.
Train operator...sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
Q: What is the difference between a Fairy Tale and A Truck Drivers Tale?
A: A Fairy Tale starts off "Once upon a time..." A Truck Driver's tale starts off "Man, you ain't gonna believe this shit..."
"Cheer up," the lawyer advised his recently divorced colleague, "there are plenty of other fish in the sea."
"Maybe so," replied his despondent friend, "but the last one took all my bait."
His wife's grave side service was just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she's there."
- Hello, darling! Can you speak now?
- Yes I can.
- Then listen...
A guy asked for a goodnight kiss, but the girl rebuffed him haughtily, saying: "I don't do that sort of thing on my first date!"
"Well," he said sarcastically, "how about on your last date?"
Two adjoining barber shops were in a fierce competition. One put up a sign advertising haircuts for $7. So the other put up a sign that read: "We repair $7 haircuts"