1. Wanna hear a poop joke?
Nah, they always stink.

2. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom.

3. What did one piece of toilet paper say to another?
“I’m feeling really wiped.”

4. What do women and toilet paper have in common?
They both deal with a lot of crap.

6. Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
To look for Pooh!

7. What did one toilet say to the other?
“You look flushed.”

8. Why did the man bring toilet paper to the party?
He’s a party pooper.

9. Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt quacks.

10. What did the bottle of conditioner do to the toilet?
Shampooed.

11. How do you say “fart” in German?
Farfrompoopin.

12. Why did the lady stop telling poop jokes?
Everyone told her that they stink.

13. Why does Piglet always smell bad?
Because he plays with Pooh.

14. People who tell you they are constipated are full of crap.
15. Love is like a fart.
If you have to force it, it’s probably crap.

16. A little boy is walking down the country road one day when he comes across a man who has a truckload of cow manure.
The boy asks him what he’s going to do with all that cow poop.
The man says, “I’m taking it home to put on my strawberries.”
The little boy looks up at the man and says, “I don’t know where you come from, but where I’m from we put cream and sugar on our strawberries.”

17. What’s the definition of surprise?
A fart with a lump in it.

18. Where do bees go to the bathroom?
The BP station.

19. Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the “p” is silent.

20. Her: “That’s disgusting!”
Me: “Sorry, sometimes I like to poop with the door open.”
Her: “You shouldn’t be pooping in the car at all.”

21. When is the best time to go to the restroom?
Poo-thirty.

22. Why don’t people take their phones into the bathroom?
They don’t want to give away their IP address.

23. What’s a surfer’s second greatest fear?
A shart attack.

24. What do you call a bathroom superhero?
Flush Gordon.

25. Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
It got stuck in a crack.

26. What does Superman call his bathroom?
The Super bowl.

27. What did the fast-food worker say to the toilet?
“Did you order a number two? I have one ready for you.”

28. What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
Salad shooter.

29. What do you call a magical poop?
Poodini.

30. What do you call a fairy in the bathroom?
Stinkerbell.

31. Do clown farts smell funny?
32. A man asks his girlfriend’s father for permission to marry his daughter.
“Are you kidding me? You’re so poor, you can’t even afford to buy her toilet paper!” scoffs the father.
“True,” says the man. “But, I’d never marry a girl that full of crap.”

33. Why did the cop sit on the toilet?
To do his duty.

34. Why did they install a toilet in the garbage heap?
Everyone had to take a dump.