Reply With QuoteDiet Day #1- I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"
To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"
Diet Day #1- I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.
A little boy says, ‘Dad, I’ve heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her.’ ‘Son,’ says the dad.
‘That happens everywhere.’
Paddy and Murphy are walking in the jungle by a river, and see a man's head sticking out of a crocodile.
Paddy says to Murphy: "Look at that flash bloke in his Lacoste sleeping bag."
An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.
Customer: Waiter, is this supposed to be coffee or tea?
Waiter: What does it taste like?
Customer: It tastes like gasoline!
Waiter: Well, sir, that would be the coffee. The tea tastes like turpentine.
Women are unpredictable:
Before marriage, she expects a man.
After marriage she suspects him.
And after death she respects him.
Teacher: Sir, why doctors wear a mask when they do an operation?
Student: For safety. If the patient dies, others can't find out who did the operation.
Have you heard of the garlic diet?
You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner.
A Texan went to California. As he walked around a garden, he picked up a watermelon.
"Are these the biggest cucumbers you raise?" asked the Texan.
"Put down that raisin," snapped the Californian.
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