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  1. #151
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    “The floor was so dusty that it seemed to be suffering from sweep deprivation.”

  2. #152
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    I met a nice girl at a bar last night and asked her to call me when she made it home.

    She must be homeless.

  3. #153
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    I'm gonna go stand outside,

    so if anybody asks you can just say i'am outstanding.

  4. #154
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    “Bank robbery is a safe job.”

  5. #155
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    "This little computer," said the sales clerk, "will do half of your job for you."
    Studying the machine, the senior VP said, "Fine. I'll take two."

  6. #156
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    Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles...
    He kept leaving little messages around the house.

  7. #157
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    I was at a museum, and I asked a worker there if we were allowed to take pictures.

    He told me no, as they had to stay on the walls.

  8. #158
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    Susie: My husband is a great handyman. He can repair almost anything.
    Jane: My mother always taught me to beware of the man that can fix everything. You'll never get anything new.

  9. #159
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    Smile One Liners

    If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria.

    If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.

    Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

    I intend to live forever. So far so good.

    Who is "General Failure" and why is he reading my hard disk?

    What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

    I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

    Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.

    I didn't use to finish sentences, but now I

    I've had amnesia as long as I can remember.

    Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

    Vacation begins when Dad says, "I know a short cut."

    Evolution: True science fiction.

    What's another word for "thesaurus"?

    Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

    A torch is a case for holding dead batteries.

  10. #160
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    Soon after marriage, a lady's husband stopped wearing his wedding ring. She asked, "Why don't you ever wear your wedding band?"

    He replied, "It cuts off my circulation."

    She answered back, "It's supposed to!"

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