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  1. #171
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    My wife is incredibly smart.
    When I called her from my buddy’s phone she answered, “Hey love!”
    She already knew it was me.

  2. #172
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    “When the arsonist met his girlfriend it was a perfect match. Both of them could light up a room with their presence.”

  3. #173
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    Patient: Nurse, I am very eager to know my blood group.
    Nurse: B positive.
    Patient: Please tell me soon...
    Nurse: B positive.
    Patient: Madam, I am positive, but eager to know the blood my group.

  4. #174
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    A gang member was holding his 8-month-old baby while his wife was in the kitchen fixing lunch. The baby murmured "mother".

    The guy gets all excited and hollered to his wife, "Hey, the baby just said half a word!"

  5. #175
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    I fear my neighbor may be stalking me, she was googling my name last night on her computer...
    I saw it clearly through my binoculars!

  6. #176
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    “The decision to legalize marijuana was made by a high government official.”

  7. #177
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    Smile Out Of This World Learning

    Why didnt the sun go to college?
    Because it already had a million degrees!

  8. #178
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    Smile Entire Wikipedia

    Cop: Im arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia.
    Man: Wait! I can explain everything.

  9. #179
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    Fact of Life: After Monday & Tuesday Even the Calendar says W T F

  10. #180
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    Smile

    An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating proposing.
    "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend.
    "Your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 90."

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