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  1. #191
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    Smile Finish The Start

    My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.
    So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake.
    I feel better already.

  2. #192
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    My wallet is like an onion.

    When I open it, it makes me cry.

  3. #193
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    I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing...
    If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

  4. #194
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    A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.
    They gave me another one, free of charge.

  5. #195
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    A man was found guilty of overusing commas.
    The judge warned him to expect a really long sentence.

  6. #196
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    "How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.
    "Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."
    "Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"
    "He was the original owner!"

  7. #197
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    I am so old...
    When walking into a bar they checked my pulse instead of my ID!

  8. #198
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    Smile Gym Equipment

    I just saw some idiot at the gym...
    He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill!

  9. #199
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    Smile You Can Stay

    The doorbell rings. A man opens the door and there's his mother-in-law on the front step.
    She asks, "Can I stay here for a few days?"
    The man says, "Sure you can." And he closes the door.

  10. #200
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    Smile Sick On Weekdays

    My boss said, “I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”
    I said, “It must be my weekend immune system.”

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