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  1. #211
    SadMan's Avatar
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    Smile Your Resume Says

    Interviewer: "Your resume says you take things too literally."
    Me: “When the hell did my resume learn to talk?”

  2. #212
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    Smile Not Good At My Job

    People are usually shocked when they find out I am not a good electrician.

  3. #213
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    Smile Handy Man 'To Do' List

    Hired a handy man and gave him a list. When I got home, only items #1, 3, & 5 were done.
    Turns out, he only does odd jobs.

  4. #214
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    Default

    When I go to casinos, the most ridiculous sign I see is the one that says: "If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER."

    I thought about it for a moment and dialed the number. When they answered I said, "I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do?"

  5. #215
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    A guy goes into a bar, orders twelve shots, and starts drinking them as fast as he can. The bartender says, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"

    The guy says, "You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had."

    The bartender asks, "What do you have?"

    The guy answers, "75 cents."

  6. #216
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    Smile Operation Check, Please

    Doctor: "Would you have the money if I said you needed an operation?"
    Patient: "Would you say I needed an operation if you thought I didn't have the money?"

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