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  1. #261
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    Cool Roast Beef and Pea Soup

    What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
    Anybody can roast beef.

  2. #262
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    Cool Who's the Boss

    I'm at my boss's funeral, kneeling and whispering at the coffin...
    "Who's thinking outside the box now, Gary?"

  3. #263
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    Default

    “Son, I killed 12 people in Afghanistan”
    Son: Dad you were a cook.
    Dad: Never said I was a good one.

  4. #264
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    Smile Love Handles

    “My extra winter weight is finally gone.
    "Now, I have spring rolls.”

  5. #265
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    Smile That's What It Stands For

    Son: “Mom, can I have $20?”
    Mom: “Does it look like I am made of money?”
    Son: “Well, isn't that what M-O-M stands for?”

  6. #266
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    Smile

    A police man came up to me with a sniffer dog and said, "This dog tells me you're on drugs.....''
    I said "I'm on drugs? you're the one talking to dogs."

  7. #267
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    Smile

    The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's been telling lies."
    I replied, "Well, tell him he's really good - I haven't got any kids!"

  8. #268
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    Smile

    What happened to the Twitter employee, that told Elon Musk not to rename the company?

    He became an X employee!

  9. #269
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    Smile Cactus Detector

    I'm no cactus expert...
    But I know a prick when I see one.

  10. #270
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    Smile

    The woman says to her husband: "If i had known you were so poor, i wouldn't have married you."
    Husband: "But I told you that you were the most valuable thing in my life."

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