Iamonthemoonandthereisnowheretogetabeer.
Thereisnospacebar.
What's the opposite of a microwave?
A tsunami.
My doctor advised me to cut down on my sodium intake.
I took his advice with a pinch of salt.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
"Your underwear is much too tight and revealing," I said to my wife.
She replied, "Wear your own then."
I saw a book at the store today called "How to end 50% of your problems"
I bought two.
Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words?
Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.
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