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  1. #291
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    Smile

    After many years of marriage, I think my wife still finds me sexy.
    Everytime I go past her in the house she says, "What an ass."

  2. #292
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    Smile

    I said to my wife “There’s only one thing that scares me during Halloween.”
    She said: "Which is?"

    I said: "Exactly"

  3. #293
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    Default

    My therapist said to write letters to people I hate and then burn them.
    I did that but now I don't know what to do with the letters.

  4. #294
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    My wife texted me this morning and said, “Your great”. I replied, “No, you’re great”. She’s been in a great mood ever since.
    I should correct her grammar more often.

  5. #295
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    My girlfriend wants to break up with me because she says I am unAmerican.
    I could see that coming a kilometer away.

  6. #296
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    Smile No Wi-Fi, Pretend it’s 1973

    The coffee shop has a sign that says, “No wi-fi, pretend it’s 1973”…
    So I paid ten cents for my coffee and lit a cigarette.

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