“I’m beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Listen to this from his bill: ‘For waking up at night and thinking about your case: $250'.”
A man and his wife went to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took the man's order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
The waiter said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
“I’m beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in making money.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Listen to this from his bill: ‘For waking up at night and thinking about your case: $250'.”
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, “When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking.
Now after ten years it’s all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking.”
Paddy and Murphy are walking in the jungle by a river, and see a man's head sticking out of a crocodile.
Paddy says to Murphy: "Look at that flash bloke in his Lacoste sleeping bag."
Man to wife: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I’ve been giving you?
Wife: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
Wife: This article on overpopulation of the world says that somewhere in the world there is a woman having a baby every four seconds.
Husband: I think they ought to find that woman and stop her!
A boxer goes to a doctor complaining of insomnia.
"Have you tried counting sheep?" asks the doctor.
"It doesn't work," replies the boxer. "Every time I get to nine I stand up."
After a long night, the blonde asks her friend: "Say, do you have AIDS?"
"No!" the guy answers firmly, "Of course not!"
"Oh, that's good," replies the blonde, "I don't wanna catch it again."
What are the three words you don't want to hear while making love? "Honey, I'm home!"
A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, “If you don’t promise to send us $100,000, we promise you we will kidnap your wife.”
The poor man wrote back, ” I am afraid I can’t keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours.”
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