I met a nice girl at a bar last night and asked her to call me when she made it home.
She must be homeless.
“The floor was so dusty that it seemed to be suffering from sweep deprivation.”
I met a nice girl at a bar last night and asked her to call me when she made it home.
She must be homeless.
I'm gonna go stand outside,
so if anybody asks you can just say i'am outstanding.
"This little computer," said the sales clerk, "will do half of your job for you."
Studying the machine, the senior VP said, "Fine. I'll take two."
Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles...
He kept leaving little messages around the house.
I was at a museum, and I asked a worker there if we were allowed to take pictures.
He told me no, as they had to stay on the walls.
Susie: My husband is a great handyman. He can repair almost anything.
Jane: My mother always taught me to beware of the man that can fix everything. You'll never get anything new.
If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria.
If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.
Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
I intend to live forever. So far so good.
Who is "General Failure" and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.
I didn't use to finish sentences, but now I
I've had amnesia as long as I can remember.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
Vacation begins when Dad says, "I know a short cut."
Evolution: True science fiction.
What's another word for "thesaurus"?
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
A torch is a case for holding dead batteries.
Soon after marriage, a lady's husband stopped wearing his wedding ring. She asked, "Why don't you ever wear your wedding band?"
He replied, "It cuts off my circulation."
She answered back, "It's supposed to!"
Connect With Us