My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was a bad lover...
You should have seen her face when they all disagreed.
What is a Pessimist?
The real world dictionary defines a 'pessimist' as an optimist with no experience.
My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was a bad lover...
You should have seen her face when they all disagreed.
I was on a blind date with a woman, and during our dinner conversationБ she said, "You know, I used to be a Christian." I told her that was fine, it really didn't matter to me.
She said, "Good. Because I'm much more comfortable as a Christine."
I like my coffee like I like my women...
Strong, and able to give me the kick in the ass I need to get movin' in the morning!
I asked my wife why she married me. She said “Because you are funny.”
I said “I thought it was because I was good in bed.” She said “See? You’re hilarious!
Devil: This is the lake of lava you will be spending eternity in
Me: Actually, since we're underground, it would be magma
Devil: You understand this is why you're here, right?
If i had a dime for every time i didn't understand what's going on.
I'd be like: "Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?"
What’s the difference between a musician and a pizza?
One can feed a family.
My Husband died.
After He died, I couldn't even look at another Man for almost 20 years.
But now that I'm out of Prison, I can honestly say it was worth it.
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