I'm at my boss's funeral, kneeling and whispering at the coffin...
"Who's thinking outside the box now, Gary?"
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef.
I'm at my boss's funeral, kneeling and whispering at the coffin...
"Who's thinking outside the box now, Gary?"
“Son, I killed 12 people in Afghanistan”
Son: Dad you were a cook.
Dad: Never said I was a good one.
“My extra winter weight is finally gone.
"Now, I have spring rolls.”
Son: “Mom, can I have $20?”
Mom: “Does it look like I am made of money?”
Son: “Well, isn't that what M-O-M stands for?”
A police man came up to me with a sniffer dog and said, "This dog tells me you're on drugs.....''
I said "I'm on drugs? you're the one talking to dogs."
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's been telling lies."
I replied, "Well, tell him he's really good - I haven't got any kids!"
What happened to the Twitter employee, that told Elon Musk not to rename the company?
He became an X employee!
I'm no cactus expert...
But I know a prick when I see one.
The woman says to her husband: "If i had known you were so poor, i wouldn't have married you."
Husband: "But I told you that you were the most valuable thing in my life."
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