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  1. #241
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    What is a Pessimist?

    The real world dictionary defines a 'pessimist' as an optimist with no experience.

  2. #242
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    Cool

    My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was a bad lover...
    You should have seen her face when they all disagreed.

  3. #243
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    I was on a blind date with a woman, and during our dinner conversationБ she said, "You know, I used to be a Christian." I told her that was fine, it really didn't matter to me.
    She said, "Good. Because I'm much more comfortable as a Christine."

  4. #244
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    I like my coffee like I like my women...
    Strong, and able to give me the kick in the ass I need to get movin' in the morning!

  5. #245
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    I asked my wife why she married me. She said “Because you are funny.”
    I said “I thought it was because I was good in bed.” She said “See? You’re hilarious!

  6. #246
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    Devil: This is the lake of lava you will be spending eternity in
    Me: Actually, since we're underground, it would be magma
    Devil: You understand this is why you're here, right?

  7. #247
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    If i had a dime for every time i didn't understand what's going on.
    I'd be like: "Why y'all keep giving me all these dimes?"

  8. #248
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    What’s the difference between a musician and a pizza?
    One can feed a family.

  9. #249
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    Where can you still get gas for $1.39?

    Taco Bell.

  10. #250
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    My Husband died.
    After He died, I couldn't even look at another Man for almost 20 years.
    But now that I'm out of Prison, I can honestly say it was worth it.

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