Fun fact: Australia's biggest export is boomerangs.
It's also their biggest import.
Our computers went down at work today, so we had to do everything manually...
It took me twenty minutes to shuffle the cards for solitaire.
Fun fact: Australia's biggest export is boomerangs.
It's also their biggest import.
If I had a dollar every time a customer complained about the price of cinema food.
I could almost afford a small popcorn.
Swimming Coach: "Hey! Why are you doing only the backstroke?"
Swimmer: "Because I just ate, sir. I don't want to swim on a full stomach."
People call me self-centered...
But that’s enough about them.
Wife: Why are you late?
Husband: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
Wife: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
Husband: No, I was standing on it.
What do a hurricane, a tornado, a fire and a divorce have in common?
They are four ways you can lose your house!
Husband throwing darts at his wife's photo and not even a single throw hitting the target.
From another room the wife calls, "Honey, what are you doing?"
Husband: "MISSING YOU..."
My boss calls me "the computer"...
Nothing to do with intelligence, I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.
My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together again.
MAN, I sure am LUCKY!
I mean, first I win the lottery and now THIS!!!
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