One-Liners - Short Jokes

[SadMan]

I told my boss that three companies were after me and I need a raise.
My boss asked, "What companies?"
I replied, "Gas, water, and electricity."

[SadMan]

Did you know that the Icelandic alphabet does not contain the letter Z…
How do they sleep at night?

Just saw three people jogging outside my window, and it inspired me...
To get up and close the curtains. That's enough interaction with people today!

If I had to rate our solar system
I'd give it one star

There are 2 words that have opened a lot of doors for me in my life. ..
Push and Pull!

I have a lot of respect for giraffes.
They're an animal you can really look up to.

[SadMan]

I've noticed the strangest thing about men who hang out in bars a lot.
It seems they have only one of two reasons to be there.
They have no wife to go home to... or they do!

[SadMan]

Last night, I spent 5,000 bucks on a reincarnation seminar...
I figured, "What the heck, you only live once!"

[SadMan]

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: "Close Enough."