Dormitory = Dirty Room

Desperation = A Rope Ends It

The Morse Code = Here Come Dots

Slot Machines = Cash Lost in 'em

Animosity = Is No Amity

Snooze Alarms = Alas! No More Z's

Alec Guinness = Genuine Class

Semolina = Is No Meal

The Public Art Galleries = Large Picture Halls, I Bet

A Decimal Point = I'm a Dot in Place

The Earthquakes = That Queer Shake

Eleven plus two = Twelve plus one

Contradiction = Accord not in it

[From Hamlet by Shakespeare]
To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.
becomes:
In one of the Bard's best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.

"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind." - Neil Armstrong
becomes:
A thin man ran; makes a large stride; left planet, pins flag on moon! On to Mars!