1. Go to Goodwill and buy a pair of size 14-16 men's work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine.
3. Put four giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:


Betty Sue, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and Pepsi. Be back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls. They got the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood.

Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside. Be right back.