"I'm going fishing." Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"It's a guy thing." Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?" Means: "Why isn't dinner already on the table?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear..." Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain." Means: "I have no idea how it works."

"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind." Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."

"Take a break honey, you are working too hard." Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear." Means: "Are you still talking?"

"You know how bad my memory is." Means: "I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses." Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."

"Oh, don't fuss, I just cut myself, it's no big deal." Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I am hurt."

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing." Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty good reasons soon."

"I can't find it." Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?" Means: "What did you catch me at?"

"I heard you." Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"You know I could never love anyone else." Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."

"You look terrific." Means: ""Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are." Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."